Ok, sooooooo

OBVI… I’ve kind of failed.

I will be damn, completely F******* straight with you in that I have 100% FAILED to stay on plan.

Like completely failed.

Today I had a brownie, a Rice Krispie treat, a McDonald’s breakfast sandwich and some chicken alfredo.

Do I feel bad about it? I mean, kinda.

Okay, since we are being honest, I’m beating myself to a pulp over my lack of all the things as of late.

Let’s start with the positives before I get down and dirty about my habits. 32464407_10157362122731729_5572731121805819904_n (1)

  1. I am officially a face painter! I’ve performed five shows in the past week and painted about 200 adorable kids faces with the likes of Batman, Pokemon balls, butterflies, hearts, unicorns and gotten a smile every time! It’s been an incredibly rewarding thing and I’m learning more every single time. (Side note: I now want ALL THE COLORS)
  2. I am doing amazing at my job as a marketing strategist. I helped design a $50K launch ($32K of that was in ONE DAY) and continue to blow my bosses minds with creative ideas and kickass webinars and presentations. They want to move me to salary!
  3. My boyfriend is amazing.
  4. I have been able to pay all my bills every month and come home to an awesome apartment with the perfect kitten 🙂

Life is amazing. Yes.

But, I’m also human and to top it all off, I’m a woman. So OF COURSE I have come to the conclusion that none of this matters because I’m about 50 lbs overweight and I have done absolutely nothing to improve that situation.

It sucks.

I feel gross. My clothes don’t fit and I have zero to no energy. Side note: Zero to no energy equals out to zero to no sex drive 😦

Here’s a question for all you awesome readers out there: How do you “get in the mood” if you will, when you don’t feel sexy yourself? I adore my boyfriend and want to make him happy, but I can’t bring myself to feel sexy enough to want to play.

I want to like myself in pictures again. I want to feel motivated. I want to eat healthy.

Why is this so hard?

This is a short post to an extent and honestly, probably not a productive one for your day. If anything, I have to say this: Keep going and keep trucking. That’s my advice.

Now I want yours!

How do you amazing and beautiful curvy girls stay confident? I envy your amazing attitudes.

How To Pack Like a Champ

As a traveling performer, I am always on the lookout for killer new ways to pack efficiently, tightly and stylishly. With my clothes being pulled in and out of suitcases and lugged from airplane to airplane, I can honestly say I’ve given up on buying anything that requires consistent ironing, dry cleaning or even air drying. I’ve definitely given up on such luxuries as lacy bras and panties as hotel laundry facilities are basically death to delicates.

14681585_10155085240751729_7211205716116369533_n.jpgHowever, I still like to look good on the road yet still maintain a high feeling of comfort. To take a break from packing for Houston (I leave tomorrow afternoon for a month-long gig at the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo), I thought I would give some of my best tips and tricks for packing a diverse wardrobe in a single suitcase and backpack.


These things have literally been the lifesavers for my travels. For as long as I can remember, I used to just roll up my clothes and throw them in my suitcase, leaving them open to collecting that stale airport, airplane and whatever else smell that latches on in the course of travel. While I still highly recommend the rolling technique, putting all of my items in these air tight bags is the secret to keeping my clothes not only fresh but wrinkle-free. I am also able to bring SO many more items since I can vacuum seal them!

I’ve used many different brands but I usually stick with Zip-Loc as they have the tab that helps really create that air-tight seal. I use a large one for my main items (hoodies, shirts and pants) and then the small and mediums for bras, panties, socks, slippers, tank tops and tights.


My mom recently went to China for four months and she was having the hardest time figuring out how to organize everything for her trip; that is, until she stumbled upon packing cubes. Now most people would look at these things and think they were pointless and take up extra space. WRONG. These bad boys have simplified life ten-fold.

More often than not, I will drive to different gigs. Sometimes these gigs are 15-20 hours apart from each other which requires me to stop for the night. Before I leave the hotel, I’ll pack some clothes for the night, next day and some extras in one of these mesh cubes. I’ll then use a smaller cube for toiletries. Everything else goes into the space saver bags for later. This way, when I arrive at my hotel for the night, I can simply grab these two cubes without having to search for anything in the dark. I also don’t have to throw a bunch of things in a bag and take it all out on the hotel bed. Time is money, especially when you’ve just driven 10 hours straight!


#TravelSize #MiniatureEverything

I don’t know what it is about travel-size items but I absolutely adore them. Maybe it’s because anything mini is absolutely adorable or because it’s just more fun to see how many of your favorite brands come in travel-size. Also, the price tag ain’t too shabby either.

I love when I can do a trip with just a carry-on and that is where travel-size items are my best friend. As a special treat to myself, I will go to places like Sephora or Ulta and buy travel-size items of brands I’ve always wanted to try or simply ones that I can’t afford the regular of. Not only does this allow me to feel pampered, but I also get to try things without fully committing to an expensive product. There’s nothing like luxurious bath products to make you feel relaxed in a strange hotel room.


I despise going out to eat every night and watching my bank account drain faster than a Katy Perry relationship. In order to keep myself inside a traveler’s budget, I bring a few kitchen essentials that allow me to cook delicious meals inside my hotel room. A few things in my “kitchen box” include:

  • Mini cutting board
  • Sharp knife (perfect for cutting up fruits and veggies)
  • Nutribullet (It’s heavy but SO worth it)
  • French Press (travel size, of course)
  • Dollar store utensils (2 of each)
  • Italian seasoning (you can literally put it on everything)
  • Plastic Tupperware
  • Wine bottle opener (duh)
  • Mug

If I’m staying at a hotel that serves breakfast I’ll usually try and snag some bowls, plates and napkins but I don’t mind swinging by the local Target or Walmart and buying $1.99 paper plates.

As long as you stay organized, you can bring everything you want and need with you on all of your journeys. Happy traveling!

Photo Credit: The Odysessy Online 

A Craving for A Simple Life

I am writing this as I sit on the cold, gray floor of my Seattle apartment. Above me is the overhang of the kitchen counter, across from me, my closet. Cubbies stuffed with socks, panties, workout gear, tank tops, shoes and books. Shirts and jackets hang next to scarves and dresses. My backpack and halfway-unpacked carry-on lie on the floor. My pink socks match the backpack’s pipe detail.


To my left sit a brand-new pair of pale pink Converse; I bought them today for a multitude of reasons, one of which being that I really did need a pair of good tennis for the summer tour season. Next to them, my trusty violet yoga mat that has become a favorite possession. To my right, the living room with the comfiest couch I’ve ever slept on covered in decorative throw pillows.

I love it here, but I feel empty.

See, I have everything that I need and really want. I have a closet filled with too many cute clothes, a bathroom drawer stocked with expensive makeup and hair products, a warm shower with a heavenly lavender sugar scrub and a kitchen full of nutritional food and wine.


I am writing on a decent laptop with an extremely high-quality wifi connection inside a safe apartment in a creative neighborhood of Seattle. I can walk to the yoga studio, Starbucks, grocery store and the lake. I have a car if I need to go further.

Yet, it all seems like too much.

My life is a whirlwind of adventure, of packed and unpacked bags and hellos and goodbyes. I love it. But what if I could make things just a little more… simple?

I’ve told a few of my close friends they are simple and that I love it. They live simply, love passionately and seem to find joy in the everyday. When asked what I was looking for in a life partner, I replied, “I want someone who I actually want to go through the hard times of life with. Someone with whom I can find the passion, joy and excitement in the everyday mundane.” I know that marriage isn’t easy; that more times than not it may be difficult, trying, frustrating and angry. But I suppose I have always had a feeling that if I did decide to get married, I wanted someone who I could embrace those tough times with.

In other words, someone who even if life was simple, it was still great.

I’ve had my share of relationships and I got really close to finding that life partner. We had a house and a cabin, we loved coming home to each other and making dinner together. Life was fairly simple. But I wasn’t ready for that simplicity quite yet. I still had to “find myself” as millennial judgers would say – I needed to travel to Europe, live on my own, go off and do whatever the hell I felt like. And while I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m done, I know that all the cute clothes, exciting new places, and chance encounters are not enough.


What if it really is true that all of us want to find love? I feel like love is quite opposite of SIMPLE, but maybe my lack of “ignorance is bliss” has caused me to be so jaded by the idea of marriage and long-term commitment. But maybe part of me craves that lake house that I’ve always wanted with my coffee being made in the same place every morning instead of in a hotel room. Maybe I miss real silverware, dinner plates, a kitchen table and someone to make dinner for every night.

I miss not caring about someone coming along who is smarter, prettier, younger and more talented than I am. I miss not caring about whether my outfit is cute, my hair is long enough or the right color or if I am skinny enough to still be seen on stage.  In my industry it is almost a constant competition with other performers who are looking to get work just like you. As women, our battles are doubled when you take in the superficial and aesthetics of it all. Side note: Women – stop fighting against each other and instead, support each other. ❤

I used to think that living a simple life was boring. But there’s joy and excitement in the everyday if you look for it. I guess the simplicity I seek is maybe still a little muddy. In my travels, I have seen many people live much simpler lives and they are incredibly happy.

So, if anything, I leave you with this. Chase after a GREAT PERHAPS but try and find your center. Make life simple: Love fiercely and be kind. Enjoy the simple pleasures such as a good morning text, a hug from your best friend, a Starbucks coffee, blue skies against a still lake, a kid’s laughter and warm cookies. So many of us who travel don’t get to experience these simple things and we miss it.

So, if anyone ever calls you simple, just smile. We all want to be you anyway.

When Being a Solo Traveler SUCKS

Traveling solo is an amazing experience. I am privileged enough to meet new people every day as well as practice what I absolutely love to do while getting paid for it and seeing the world. I am incredibly lucky.

But there is something that us solo travelers choose to leave out of our quirky stories, late night party sessions and adventurous tales… 15181670_10155255893161729_658871414907035622_n

We have to say goodbye. A lot.

It’s common that while on the road we don’t run into people just like us. More often than not, we meet vacationers, retirees, and gap-year students. All of these people have a home to return to – a routine, family, loved ones, an address, bed, dog, car, job, etc. They are looking for an escape from it all, a temporary getaway that will reset their minds, clear their heads or possibly teach them something new. But then they return while we stay out on the road chasing our insatiable wanderlust.

I can’t begin to count how many times people have said, “Oh, I wish I could do what you’re doing,” or “Good for you, doing all of this while you’re young.” Well, thanks, yes, I am glad that I pursued my dreams and have figured out a way to make a living by traveling the world. Yay! But what many of these people don’t know is that while I absolutely adore the life that I am currently living, I can’t help but feel a physical pain in my stomach when they say, “I’m excited to go back home… get back into a routine.”


What once sounded like death to me now has instead stirred a slight sense of longing for the stability. See, I literally am a nomad. I rent a room here and there, usually not extending my stay for longer than a month. I make my living by working as a performer around the country and Canada and I make an effort to travel to new places in between gigs in order to avoid looking for an apartment or place to call home. I have done this for 18 months and only now am I starting to wonder… What the hell am I doing?

I have to say goodbye to people ALL THE TIME. I make these amazing connections, fall in and out of love, call strangers family and bond immediately with fellow participants on a zip line tour. These people leave a small imprint as I hopefully do for them as well. I am passionate about making genuine human connections and leaving people with a different perspective, be it looking at the world a little differently or trying something new. But my love for people has been both a blessing and a curse. See, as I often try and make a genuine connection, I can sometimes turn into an escape or even a dream.

I am a passerby, a traveler out in a really big world. Highly insignificant in the scheme of things, I have a hard time placing high value on family, stability, security, routine, and more simply because everything I do is incredibly temporary.

But what if I want to remove some of the temporary from my life? How do I introduce some stability yet still live this nomadic adventure? Someone recently said to me, “I wish my life was as simple as yours.” The solo travelers of the world are continually questioned on our longevity as well as challenged as to find what we really want. At almost 28 years old, I am beginning to grow concerned. Will I ever find that person who is adventurous like me? Who loves passionately, jumps off waterfalls, goes on midnight adventures and who wants to find true meaning and happiness in this world? They say we can’t have our cake and eat it too – maybe the truth is that I am asking for too much. But as one of my favorite songs states: “I don’t care what they all say/I don’t care if my heart breaks/All I want is love/I don’t care what they all say/Let me find my own way home.”


I want to find my own way home one day. I want to find love that is big, supportive, passionate, and adventurous. But until that day comes, I suppose I’ll blame my gypsy soul and continue with the fact that I was made for leaving.

Here’s to all those solo travelers out there searching for love within ourselves, within others and within the world. Be fierce and fearless in your paths and always have courage and be kind.

Be confident in your vulnerability.

“Be confident in your vulnerability.”

I heard this quote on a podcast recently called Maximize Your Strengths. The host, Alissa Daire Nelson, is a brilliant woman who I had the pleasure of meeting in Vegas at a convention and who I adored from the second I met her. It could be because her and I share four of our top five strengths… but, she’s also awesome. The quote above was heard during an interview she was having with Murray Guest during his talk on Individualization and I actually stopped the podcast for a second to ponder. Be confident in your vulnerability…

Let me preface this by saying that I DESPISE appearing vulnerable. Growing up, I was known as the girl who wore her emotions on her sleeve, who was dramatic and moody. While I’ll admit that not a whole lot has changed in the dramatic sense of things, I have made it a point to appear tough, put together and confident. I would tell myself that I was always in control of the situation, that I had the upper hand and that I would never let what happened to another person happen to me. In a way, I refused to accept that I was simply human.

I have always been a student of life. I LOVE talking to people from all over the world, learning about them and seeking advice and wisdom so as to maybe approach situations in my life with a little more awareness. I have become incredibly confident in myself and the person that I am, though almost to a fault in that I confuse confidence and control on an almost daily basis. But nevertheless, I always seek to learn from situations, to walk away with some piece of wisdom that I can pass on to the next person I see who is about to act how I did.

Let’s just say, it had been a while since I had truly “learned my lesson.”

To make a long story short, I let my guard down with a guy which resulted in me falling for him, getting incredibly hurt and reacting at a stage-five clinger/crazy girl level. While I should have accepted that he was a complete douchebag who thrived on playing on girls emotions, I was more upset about how I reacted. I was furious that I let him get to me, to get under my skin and close enough that he could manipulate me. I was livid that instead of being the strong girl and just walking away without a word, I tried so hard to “win him back” and to convince him that I was different from all the other girls. I had lost control of the situation that I had such a firm grasp over at the beginning. The ball was not in my court, I didn’t have the upper hand, and I was vulnerable. I didn’t eat for three days and I cried for five.

This loss of control wasn’t necessarily over this guy alone. He was more of a straw that broke the camel’s back that combined with me not having a strong support system, hating my job, in a less-than-ideal living situation, being single during the holidays, and whatever other self-pity nonsense you want to toss in there that caused me to spiral. But I won’t lie in saying that I was SO hurt.

Why is it that matters of the heart can damage us so much more than any broken bone or harsh word in this world?

But as I said before, I like to walk away from any situation with a learned lesson and I was able to add plenty to my list of lessons learned in life after this whole situation. I was able to start the New Year with a brand new outlook and list of goals and passions that I can only fully focus on if I’m single.

But with all of these new goals comes certain vulnerability… but I think I’m ready. Being a human makes us mortal which automatically makes us vulnerable. We are vulnerable walking across the street, eating by ourselves in a café, talking to a new person and taking on a new task. But if we are confident in that vulnerability, if we accept that we are human and not perfect, then we can approach so many things with such a higher level of confidence. And ultimately, that confidence will lead us to do many great things.

So be confident in your vulnerability and embrace it.

Yoga, Tequila & 25 Push-Ups

There is a very high chance that I woke up this morning still drunk from last night. While my extreme case of the spins had dissipated, my headache, slightly blurred vision and dangerous lack of clarity was still very present. Tequila had reintroduced itself to me in multiple forms. However, I am proud to say that it did not take on the form of a single shot glass straight to my tonsils. Nope, no shots for me. Just a little orange juice, grilled grapefruit, ice, grenadine and some flavor of bitters… and tequila.

I should mention that tequila and I have never gotten along. We are not friends nor exactly enemies, we just have agreed to disagree on many things. Like margaritas. It is always a good time for a margarita. However, tequila and I have agreed never to meet in a shot glass by ourselves. If we steer clear of that kind of meeting, we usually do fine. But what I fail to remember every time that I do have tequila is that 1) I will definitely throw up and 2) It’s pretty much the worst type of hangover there is. So, last night was a little reminder that tequila, me, new friends and orange juice should never play in the same sandbox. Ever.


So, after a three-and-a-half-hour drive to Rochester, NY, including a very expensive stop at Starbucks and a long line at the US border, I have arrived in one piece. Feeling particularly motivated, I took my hangover by the balls and told it to go fuck itself.

So, I did yoga.

I have always, always, always adored practicing yoga. I’ll admit that there is a part of me that wants to be a “yoga girl.” It’s hot and it means I can bend my body in cool ways. Hello flexibility J But I also have always loved how yoga makes me feel. Yoga is such a personal thing for me and remains to be a vehicle of self-love and grace. I’m not breathless at the end of a yoga session yet I still feel like I worked hard. I always feel a little bit closer to a goal, a little bit more connected and a tiny bit stronger. Maybe it’s because yoga is more measurable to me than many other exercises. Sure, you can get faster or you can lift more weight. But with yoga I can really connect with my body’s performance and what it is doing. I can visualize the present, focus on my heart beating and think about nothing else for an hour. Yoga is something I can do on the road in the privacy of my own hotel room or go to the gym if I’m feeling particularly confident. But afterwards I just feel clearer.

After my 30-minute practice today, I opened the Productive app on my phone. I had put in various goals I wished to accomplish each day and realized that I hadn’t followed through with really any of them since writing them down. A daily goal I had set a while back was to do 25 push-ups every day.

I DESPISE push-ups. This exercise is the devil and usually the most painful exercise out there. Which, duh, of course, is the reason why it’s also one of the absolute best exercises out there but still. I hate them.

Now, I’m not a point currently where I can do 25 pushups in a row. Since I refuse to do “girl pushups,” I must break them up into two sets of 10 and one set of five. This way, it’s not complete hell and it’s a little victory (slash rest break) in between. My goal is of course to be able to do 25, or 50, pushups in a row but baby steps here.

So, I did 25 pushups, I’m writing a blog post and I feel good. These are the moments that I remember how much I love being single. I can chase “passions” or hobbies, do whatever I want with the time I have and I don’t have to work around anyone else’s schedule. Now, of course, I have things that need to get done throughout the day but whatever time I have left is mine and I intend to start taking advantage of that time.

One of the regrets I have is that I binge watched the entire Sex and The City series while I was in Ireland. Granted, I was short on cash and the weather was disgusting, but I still didn’t really take advantage of traveling and seeing more of Ireland when I had the chance. I was throwing a pity party for myself, getting over a breakup and mourning the fact that I “came to Europe unprepared.” Which sucks. While I’m sure, in hindsight, that I needed some time completely to myself, I could have used that time to find new hobbies, gone for walks or even considered freelance. But I didn’t. So, lesson learned.

Overall, I would say that this was a great day. I have a mingling session at 9pm tonight and I’m going to head out to dinner and hopefully begin conversations at the hotel bar. While I have zero intentions of drinking alcohol tonight, I do look forward to meeting new prospects and learning more about this crazy industry that I’m part of.

Try and check something off your list today. Trust me, it’s going to feel amazing.

Photo credit: Sunday Calling

Dear Iliza…

One of my dearest friends, Jennifer, recently met with me for a roomie reunion lunch over sushi and – now this might sound dramatic – it kind of changed my life. Jenn is one of those people who is beautiful both inside and out. She’s caring, sweet, inspirational, driven, beautiful, smart and funny. She’s awesome. Now, not only did this wonderful former roommate of mine surprise me with an incredibly sweet card and Victoria Secret travel set but she introduced me to Miss Iliza Shlesinger.

Boom: #partygoblin happened.

I often catch myself going on many a rant about topics such as modern-day feminism, what it really means to be a women, how much guys are… well, guys and how not to take life too seriously. But never, and I mean never, have I stumbled upon a person who knew not only how to to laugh at it all but who could actually put all of these thoughts, ideas and rants into complete AND HILARIOUS sentences. After watching Confirmed Kills on Netflix, I was completely sold.

I want to be Iliza when I grow up.

The beauitful and buff comedian is 33-years-old and I swear that woman has got life figured the fuck out. Not only is she a symbol of women empowerment but the girl isn’t afraid to make jokes about her own sex while still maintaining the truth that women run this fucking planet.

It’s easy as a single girl in her late twenties to be discouraged. Not only do we have the pressures of marriage, kids and mortgages tossed at us from all sides but we also have beauty products, fitness routines, diet plans, swimsuit season, Tinder, Bumble, coffee dates, not enough drinking, too much drinking, whore, slut, feminist… just to name a few that we also have to deal with. DAILY. And while Iliza does point all of this out, she simplifies it. She calms us down and looks at it from a stronger perspective. Because in the end, life shouldn’t be taken so damn seriously. Like seriously, all you mermaids, party goblins and cowprint-wearing adults out there really just need to calm the fuck down.

So dear Iliza, thank you for showing up in this world. We women have needed you for so long. Lead the way sister!


The Travel Blog Attempt – Day One

Many people have suggested that I start a traveling blog. I don’t disagree with them. I thrive off the idea of writing about my random adventures that I either stumble upon, impulsively buy plane tickets for or go as far as to actually plan a stay in another country. Of course I dream of being the next Cheryl Strayed or Elizabeth Gilbert, maximizing my Instagram followers while having people live vicariously through my posts and words. The idea sounds nice, exciting, ideal.

So here is me attempting to start a travel blog. I can’t guarantee I’ll post regularly, not yet. I can’t promise that I will always have brilliant insight on what to eat and where to stay. Sometimes, it will probably just be me hashing out my feelings about the latest thing I read on Thought Catalog or The Bolde. Other times it might be about a recent discovery I made as a person in her late twenties who is terrified of growing old and has a strange inclination that she will die young. Something I may have gotten from my mother (who is still alive and very much kicking by the way). But I hope, whatever the post is, that you will read and enjoy it. That you will find something to relate to or be able to respond with insights that I completely missed while trying to identify a certain event as life-changing when it really was just a fun memory.

This past year has been an incredibly life changing event one right after the other and I hardly recognize the person that I was shortly before my 26th birthday. I’ve started blogs time and time again but it was mostly me just whining about how I wanted to travel and do things but I couldn’t because I had a boyfriend or a job or [insert whatever other excuse here]. But now I feel that I have somewhat gone and made something of myself, or at least begun to. I feel accomplished despite my lack of increased financial stability or impressive career or perfect-on-paper husband. Life is good. It’s challenging and surprising every single day. For that, I feel lucky, blessed and incredibly thankful. I was never meant to live an ordinary life, nor do I condemn those who do. One of the most popular phrases I have heard while traveling, whether it be serious or not, has been “You do you.” And I hope that you will do you, let me do me and together we find a way to make an impact on this big world of ours.

So here is to adventures, small or big, life-changing or simply funny moments, and to life itself. Always have courage and be kind – these two qualities will take you incredibly far and give you the power to do things you never even thought possible.